This study explores my role as a teacher educator in the framework of a collaborative self-study research with other 4 peers. All of us have the same teaching experiences when we were doctoral students during 2003 to 2007 in Taiwan. The exploration is located within the changing climate of higher education, the job market and the overall social environment. The hope and frustration which we were confronted serve as tensions when we shape our professional identities, and the process could be seen as related to personal struggle in response to the structure, and could be treat as the experience of “currere” in professional development.